Because i'm not fine at all
by foxyeyes
Summary: Am i really going crazy? ... Nah! I've been abnormal since i was 6. but what am i doing in this room... in a strange room...in an armchair... with a pink-haired girl in front of me? oh my god! what happened last night!
1. Chapter 1

_**A.N**_

_**Greetings readers!**_

_**How are you today?**_

_**I know this kind of stuff is annoying but I won't bother you anymore.**_

_**I just wanted to suggest some stuff. I've done this earlier and I hope it worked. When reading a touching story, emotive music is always suitable. So I'd suggest you some songs you'd like:**_

_**Ashes Remain- Right here**_

_**Trading Yesterday- Shattered**_

_**Story Of The Year- Until the day I die**_

_**I was listening to the above while writing. There are some others you might like. Their list is in the beginning of my other fanfic: Aishiteru. Check it out if you like.**_

_**So, I hope you like this fanfic more than others because it's my favorite. And please review! I really need motivation. I apologize again for disturbing you for so long. Enjoy the fanfic!**_

"_You're an animal."_

"_No worse. Human."_

_-Runaway Train_

'So, you're leaving after all, huh?' her makeup was running down her face. I could see her crooked smile in the pale moonlight. She stared at the moon. We were standing face to face. I turned around. 'After all that we've been through?' she whispered. She froze. I didn't move either. I looked down at her shade. It seemed so small and insecure. Her shade gradually changed from a human silhouette into a tree; Sakura tree. It was beautiful. Suddenly her black shade gained color and became even more breathtaking. I could see the pink flowers and thin branches. I looked to her left, the tree had turned real. A small, pink tree stood there alone. And… she was gone. The girl had disappeared. I looked at the tree sadly. Then I looked down at my shade again. It seemed more like a black stain then a human's shade. It started turning into something else. An animal, no… a monster… a horrible, disgusting creature which looked like a snake. I wanted to throw up. I looked away and saw the creature itself. It was a huge, white snake. Its body consisted of other little snakes. And its head… its head was a human's head. No, not a human's; it had long spiky, black hair. Yellow, narrow eyes; white pale face; a disgusting, disastrous long tongue. I was completely paralyzed; I couldn't move or talk. I was startled by the terrifying creature. It froze for a moment. And then rapidly attacked me with its long tongue. I looked away and screamed.

'Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!' I yelled and quickly sat up on my bed. I was sweating. My whole body was trembling and shivering. I was sick. I stood up and ran to the bathroom. I threw up and returned to my bed. I was sweaty but cold. My head ached and was killing me. My stomach felt like I've been on an awful rollercoaster. I threw away my blanket and started looking for my pillow. I guess I was really frightened because the pillow was lying at the other end of the room; I must have thrown it in panic. I looked around. The room was dark, silent and creepy. I felt like all the demons from hell had gathered here to play cards. It was sick. It's been quite long since I've felt anything like this or actually anything at all. I picked up the pillow and lay on my bed. I lay there sick, all alone, in the darkness, not able to think properly and fed up with all the mistakes I've made. I was lying facing the ceiling, on my back, with my hands hanging lifelessly from the edges of the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a long time and felt the madness crawling into my already sick mind step by step, conquering the sane parts of my mind.

'Why am I even alive…?' I whispered to myself. I talk with myself quite often, because I get quite lonely now and then. Cold sweat rushed down my chest like a waterfall. 'Am I even sane anymore…?' I laughed quietly. 'Dude, it's been a long time since you've been sane.' I answered to myself. 'How ironic, I ruined my own life even though so many people tried to stop me and prevent me from this nightmare. But I was a fool, and I still am. I am a selfish, arrogant, dumb, crazy idiot.' I laughed a bit louder. I stood up and walked to my closet. It was completely dark and awfully hot. I threw on some clothes and rushed out of the window. I landed in front of my window. I looked up; the moon and the stars were shining bright. Cool breeze blew in my face making my boiling body cool down a bit. I walked, slowly; I had no idea where to go or what to do. The only thing I knew was that I wouldn't return to that place. I had made too many mistakes, i didn't have the right to make any more. I had to leave my past behind and forget everything I've been fighting for my whole life. Seems to be impossible, doesn't it? I had to forget revenge, pain, hatred, agony and start all over again.

I walked alone, in the darkness with only moonlight showing me the way. I didn't know where I was going. I was wandering into the void, not caring about the consequences. I had my head down; my eyes were staring onto the ground meaninglessly. I had my hands in my pockets and I looked like a lost, drunk, high tramp. I stopped at the beginning of a forest. I heard autumn leaves cracking. It was October. The forest… it kept something magical in it; something secret; undiscovered greatness; the wind whispered a lullaby, making me remember the one my mom used to sing when me and my brother were little. I felt something like a ball stuck in my throat making it sore. A drop on my cheek… was I crying? Maybe. Was I miserable? Absolutely. Did I want to go back to my childhood? More than anything in the world. Another drop… another one, it was drizzling. I raised my head and looked straight in the sky. It was as black, as mysterious, and as endless as it was that day… when my happy life ended; when joy was changed with agony, when hatred pushed love out of my heart, when friendship turned into loneliness, when a smile turned into tears.

I stepped forward; into the wood. I walked a few steps; moonlight was vanishing away more and more as I strolled deeper. Soon enough, total darkness reigned throughout the trees. I couldn't see my own feet, however I walked. I stumbled and fell. I wiped away the dirt and kept on. That happened many times, later on it started pouring. The raindrops were hitting my head and shoulders so hard they had started aching.

I walked aimlessly; I staggered like a half-dead person trying to get away from his own fate. My feet were sore; my head was heavy like a bullet, my heart was beating slowly and quietly, sometimes I wondered if it was still beating. Everything seemed like a nightmare; a nightmare brought to life.

"Ninja must see underneath the underneath."

Those words rang in my ears like a bell. I smirked pitifully. What does it have to do with my situation? Can I even call myself a ninja anymore? Kakashi-sensei saw underneath the underneath and warned me; I didn't listen. I couldn't understand what result I would get. And again I understand I am an idiot.

I heard someone's voice; sobs and mumbles. I stopped and listened. A woman… no, a girl. I walked closer, the sounds got louder. I came to a tall building. I looked up. A window, it wasn't too high so I could see it. A girl was sitting on the windowsill. I looked closer… my heart skipped a beat…

_**P.S**_

_**And again I'm bothering you with my endless notes, sorry.**_

_**Just wanted to tell you (though I'm sure you've understood, you're quite smart ;)) that this is Sasuke Uchiha's POV.**_

_**Have a nice day and eat a lot of vegetables, they're good for your health!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A.N**_

_**Good day, ladies and gentlemen!**_

_**How do you do?**_

_**Again my irritating notes, I know.**_

_**So, the previous chapter was Sasuke Uchiha's POV. Now it's time for Sakura's. Just explaining to make it simpler. **_

_**I won't trouble you anymore, I think, keep reading and I hope you like it! (If you do, make sure you write a review for me, please!)**_

I sat there alone, broken and miserable. Tears were flowing down my cheeks like a cascade. I was in awful agony and unbearable pain. Let me explain.

Yesterday we had gone on a mission to find Sasuke Uchiha; our former teammate and friend. We had hope and passion. We looked for two days; we didn't sleep, eat or rest. But we found nothing, which meant Sasuke had left us forever. When we returned Lady Tsunade told us to forget about him and keep focusing on our training. Naruto refused coldly to give on his comrade, but there was no other way. I told myself and others I would be tough and unbreakable. I didn't cry there. I even smiled and laughed. Faking a smile is my natural talent that unfortunately, turned into a habit. But at night all the monsters crawl out. I break down. I get a hysteric. Night is actually my friend; it can hide my feelings. Rain is my pal – it hides my tears. So, now I'm sitting pitifully on my window ledge with Team 7's picture on my knees, wiping away my tears with my mom's napkin. I hate pitying myself, but this time I blew up.

I wish I had been smarter earlier. It's entirely my fault. I must have stopped him back then and everything would have been different.

I've always been a shadow compared to Sasuke. If I had been stronger I would have stopped him that day, if I had been stubborn. I wish I could go back, to my past, and tell myself what I know now. I'd listen to my own advice, though I never listened to others'. I'd tell myself to train harder, be better, speak up more, shout out what I thought, be prouder of what I am.

I have always been deaf to others, I've never heeded to any kind of advice. And the worst thing is that I've always been afraid to be myself. I always hid behind fake emotions; I thought I wasn't good enough.

I wish I had a chance to talk to little me. I'd tell her how beautiful, amazing, lovely, gorgeous, clever and talented she is. I'd tell her to work harder and never give up. I'd tell her the hard times would pass, that she would be happy soon, that she would endure the pain, she would make it. I'd tell her how much she can, how gifted she is and how much she can achieve. I'd hug her tight and tell her there are people who love her. I'd tell her to be more daring, to be a risk-taker, to do what she wants and be free.

All of this might have convinced me not to give up on him; to make him stay.

But I can't reverse time. I can't go back. I have to forget everything and move on. Regrets are pointless.

I put the photo on my bed and stared at the sky. It was so dark, so unfathomable… so deep…

'Oi? You okay there?'

I heard someone's voice, a familiar mala voice… but it scared me and…

_Sasuke's POV._

So, I stood there; in front of that window and stared up. I listened to the girl; she was muttering something I couldn't here. But her voice was so familiar. Suddenly, I thought I'd ask her if she's all right. I wanted to change and this seemed to be a perfect beginning of my "light" life.

So, I yelled at the girl if she was okay. But suddenly…

_Sakura's POV._

The man's voice scared me and I lost balance. I accidently slipped and fell out.

_Sasuke's POV._

I saw her losing balance and falling out of the window. Of course, I hurried to catch her; I didn't want her to get hurt. And I caught her…

_Sakura's POV._

I was lucky; a man caught me and I didn't get hurt. I looked at the man and thanked him. The clouds were covering the moon and I couldn't see his face. But out of the blue, the clouds moved and I saw his face clearly in the pale moonlight. I screamed and closed my face with my hands. Another stupid decision.

_Sasuke's POV._

I couldn't see her face properly because it was quite dark. But all of a sudden I looked closely and saw her short, pink hair and emerald eyes. Unexpectedly, she screamed and covered her face with her hands. I was frustrated and lost. What was I supposed to do? I stood there frozen until something came to my mind. Another dumb decision.

'Sakura?' I whispered. 'What's wrong? Why are you up so late? And why are you crying? Did anyone hurt you?' I asked with a soft voice; I tried to be as nice and gentle as possible.

_Sakura's POV._

It was Sasuke. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought I had gone crazy. But then he started speaking and asked me what was wrong. I thought I was dreaming. But I felt his protective hands holding me. I trembled. I was speechless. What was Sasuke doing here this late? Had he come to kill me? What the hell was going on? I couldn't say a single word, but eventually I started stammering.

'I-I-I'm o-okay… but w-what are y-you d-doing here?' I looked at him with frightened eyes.

_Sasuke's POV._

I saw her frightened face and tried to calm her down. She started stammering and asking me why I came. She was too scared and confused to think properly so I decided to tell her everything in the morning.

'Shhh…' I whispered. 'Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'll tell you everything in the morning…'

'Morning?' she said as her face lightened up. 'So you're staying?' her eyes were shining brighter than the moon with happiness.

'Yes… I'm staying here… forever.' I said in a low voice.

Her face was both frustrated and delighted. She was afraid and glad. I could see the confusion in her eyes.

_Sakura's POV._

He told me he would stay… forever… I thought I had gone completely mad. Was it really Sasuke? Or was it just a cruel joke? Was he telling me the truth? I don't know… but I somehow, I trusted him. I thought he was really back, maybe I wanted it to be that way and that's why I concerned myself it was true. I froze. He stared at me deeply as though trying to read my mind. Both of us were confused.

_Sasuke's POV._

Neither of us said a word. Everything was clear; but we didn't understand it.

She was shivering; maybe from fear, maybe from cold. Either way, I jumped and landed on her window ledge. I saw a small room; a tidy bed – she hasn't slept yet- a wardrobe in front of it and a desk next to the wardrobe. The walls were plain; no decorations; no posters or photos.

I put her on the bed as gently as I could and covered her with a blanket. She stared at me with wide-open eyes.

'What happened?' she asked later, seeing that I wasn't leaving.

'What do you mean?'

'You've changed… you've never actually cared… about me…' she mumbled.

I sat next to her on her bed and covered her shoulders with the blanket. 'I… I thought I had made too many mistakes, now I want to change and be full of life.' I tried to smile but failed. Sakura started laughing. She was so beautiful while laughing. I had never noticed that. 'What's so funny?' I asked, like I didn't know myself.

'You!' she giggled.

'Me?' I tilted my head in confusion.

'Yes you! You've left not caring about a single thing; you left your friends and your aim was to kill your own brother! And now you're sitting on my bed, petting me! And you're actually smiling… awkwardly, but still smiling! I can't believe it!' she sat up and smiled at me nicely.

That smile… it almost melted my heart… what's going on? I've never felt anything like this… am I really going crazy? Or are the temperature and the moonlight effecting my mind?

'Go to sleep, now… good night…' I said and stood up to leave.

'Wait! Don't go… you can stay here, the hidden leaf is farther.' She said louder.

'What? Then… why aren't you at home?' I didn't understand a single thing.

'I'm at home… this is my cottage house, I stay here when I want to rest…'

I didn't reply.

'Stay here and we can leave tomorrow together…' she glanced at me and then at the window.

'I won't bother you and your family.' I said and stood on the windowsill to leave.

'I'm alone… there's no one else…'

I still didn't answer. I didn't want to leave her alone in a cottage house in a wood. But it would be strange to stay…

'Okay…I'll stay then' I mumbled. Her emerald eyes lit up with happiness. It's been a really long time since I've made anyone happy.

I stood up and walked towards a chair. I sat, resting my head on my left hand. My eyes were closing… I was exhausted.

'Good night…' I heard a soft voice, I couldn't recognize it because of my tiredness but I knew it was Sakura.

'Sweet dreams' I whispered.

And her smiling face was the last thing I can remember.


End file.
